The Inactive-at-11:58 Hex of Matthew Golden
Matthew Golden · GB · WR
“Golden finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.” — Nana Nickelback
More ways the witch ruins Golden's week
- Golden will be "questionable" by Sunday morning, "inactive" by 11:58 AM, and "seen at brunch" by Monday.
- Golden will do something so quietly mediocre that the box score doubts he played.
76%POTENCY
-14.7PTS DRAINED
Needs a PriestVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A used challenge flag
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- A fumbled football, blessed by nobody
- An unused timeout (still warm)
Incantation
O ancient spirits of the lost challenge flag,
Take Golden's points and put them in a bag,
Leave only a "DNP" and a sad little shrug.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Josh Jacobs
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Matthew Golden in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Matthew Golden is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Matthew Golden actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.