The Inch-Short Hex of Alex Bachman
Alex Bachman · LAR · WR
“Bachman gets quarantined by a cornerback named Cornelius who has never been beaten. Ever.” — The Old Crone of the Red Zone
More ways the witch ruins Bachman's week
- Bachman finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.
- The QB looks at Bachman exactly once: a 3-yard out on 3rd-and-9.
92%POTENCY
-11.8PTS DRAINED
Delete the AppVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- A bag of cold gas-station nachos
- your opponent's lucky socks (unwashed since Week 1)
- A tablespoon of "I told you so" (aged 7 years)
- A single tear from a Rams fan
Incantation
Bachman, Bachman, in the pale moonlight,
May your target share shrink out of sight,
And may the ref not see your catch tonight.
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- Kyren Williams
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Alex Bachman in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Alex Bachman is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Alex Bachman actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.