The Inch-Short Hex of Keenan Allen
Keenan Allen · SF · WR
“Allen finishes with 4.2 points. Not 4.0. Not 5.0. The single most insulting number.” — Sister Sack
More ways the witch ruins Allen's week
- At 34, Allen is already part dust. The witch has almost no work to do.
- Allen gets chased around the field all game by the mascot of California's biggest rival.
92%POTENCY
-15.1PTS DRAINED
Call an ExorcistVERDICT
Ritual ingredients
- An unused timeout (still warm)
- Dust from a defunct team's playbook (the Browns, probably)
- Powdered kicker confidence
- A shred of a Week 1 waiver wire pickup who is now a Bills fan
Incantation
Bubble, bubble, benched in trouble,
Allen drops it, double, double,
Hex, hex, hex, and the stat sheet's rubble!
🔮 Hex my real fantasy opponent
Hex someone else
- Ja'Marr Chase
- Christian McCaffrey
- Amon-Ra St. Brown
- Jaxon Smith-Njigba
- CeeDee Lamb
- Justin Jefferson
- A.J. Brown
- Drake London
- Nico Collins
- George Pickens
- Malik Nabers
- Chris Olave
FAQ
How do I curse Keenan Allen in fantasy football?
Read the hex below, send it to your league chat, or use Fantasy Witch to curse your real matchup. If Keenan Allen is on your opponent's roster, the witch picks the victim for you.
Will cursing Keenan Allen actually work?
No. It is for trash talk and entertainment. But if it does work, we would like credit.